Poking Fun at Ourselves

Poking Fun at Ourselves

Thomas Stilp, JD, MBA/MM, LLM, MSC

Some things are better left unsaid.  Attorneys usually realize this right after something is said in open court.

We are willing to poke fun at ourselves.

Some of you may have seen these, but in-court questions are fun to review, and if you haven’t seen these, you are in for a ride – enjoy!

Attorney: She had three children, is that correct?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?

Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Attorney: How did your first marriage end?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death?

Witness: Take a guess –

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, “Cathy, where am I?”
Attorney: And why did that upset you?

Witness: Because my name is Susan.

Attorney: This “myasthenia gravis” – does it affect your memory?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And how does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.

Attorney:  You forget?  Please give us an example of something you forgot.

Years ago, as a young attorney, I advised a witness to answer questions if the witness was certain, otherwise, tell the opposing attorney that “I don’t recall” – “Don’t guess,” I said.  “It is not a test.  You don’t get a grade for the number of right answers. State only what you know.”

The witnesses’ testimony when cross examined by Opposing Counsel went something like this:

Attorney: You work for a company – for whom do you work – give me their corporate name?
Witness: I don’t recall.
Attorney:  How long have you worked there?
Witness: I don’t recall.
Attorney: What is your actual job title?
Witness: I don’t recall.
Attorney: How may people report to you?
Witness: I don’t recall.
Attorney: How many people are in your sales department?
Witness: I don’t recall. . .

After multiple answers with “I don’t recall,” we took a recess.

With over 150 trials, we’ve seen about everything.  If you need counsel who is experienced and knows how to deal with good and, as life deals the cards, not-so-good witnesses, and still win your case, please call!

image cred: https://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Lawyer.htm